dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
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