whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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