I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
