I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
