like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
