dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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