I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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