Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
