Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
