drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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