About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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