oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Randomize
