You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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