i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
