woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
