upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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