that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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