Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she told me i tasted like america
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
