Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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