im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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