Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Let's get the cat blown out
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
