im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
