Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i think my cat just said my name.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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