it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You are the jesus of drinking
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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