I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All the doctor said was why
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
