Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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