Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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