I think I died a long time ago.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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