he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
