margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
