Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
