New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
