You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
