I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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