Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
