She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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