Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
