My room smells like vodka and shame
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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