By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
