weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
