please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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