Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
