Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
