i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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