Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
