areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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