Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
