What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
