so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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