so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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