this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
