Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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