Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
