If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
