Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
