I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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