I showed him my bush... on skype.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
