I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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